How To Help Your Kids in the Aftermath of a School Shooting

Tools, Tips, and Conversation Starters for Parents Navigating the Unthinkable

On September 10th, 2025, Evergreen, Colorado, experienced the unthinkable—a school shooting at the local high school. As I sit down to write this blog, I am overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. How could such a horrific event happen in our small town? It feels surreal that "Evergreen High School" is now associated with the heartbreaking phrase school shooting. This tragedy occurred just three weeks into the new school year. How can we empower our students to return to school, knowing the unimaginable has occurred and knowing that—even with all our love—we cannot always protect them?

The emotional impact of a school shooting reverberates throughout an entire community. Our sense of safety is shattered, and we are left grappling with the chaos that follows such a tragic event. As I watched the news and followed social media coverage, I saw the entire spectrum of human emotion: numbness, fear, tears, and anger. I saw students rush off the bus into the waiting arms of their parents. I saw parents break down as they held their teens close. I even saw teens reassuring their parents—patting their arms and whispering, “Mom, it’s going to be okay. I’m okay.”

And woven through the heartbreak, I watched our community rise. Neighbors brought food. Schools opened their doors for counseling. Local mental health providers volunteered their time. People showed up—not perfectly, but powerfully.

After a traumatic event, there is no right or wrong way to respond. In the days and weeks that follow, many people don’t know how they feel or what they need. This is often referred to as the impact phase or acute stress reaction, and during this time, students may experience:

• emotional numbness

• anxiety or fear

• confusion or difficulty concentrating

• overwhelm or exhaustion

• a sense of helplessness or powerlessness

• feeling jumpy or on edge

• wanting to cling to parents—or withdraw completely

  
  

Some teens may feel oddly energized and want to help others. Some will want to talk nonstop. Some may avoid the topic entirely. And some may change from one hour to the next. All of these reactions are normal.

Even students who were not directly involved—students from nearby schools, siblings, former students, and community members—can experience these symptoms. Trauma travels through a community. No one is left untouched.

As individuals navigate this difficult “impact phase,” I’ve created a guide to help you open conversations with your children about what is happening and how they are feeling. My goal is to provide practical, compassionate tools you can use right now—because helping your kids starts with helping yourself feel grounded and supported.

Focus First on Getting Yourself Together

Before you talk with your child, take a moment to check in with yourself. Kids and teens read our emotional cues far more than our words. You don’t have to be perfectly calm—just grounded enough that your child doesn’t feel like they need to take care of you.

Try this quick reset before beginning the conversation:

• Take 3 slow breaths. Inhale for 4, exhale for 6.

• Place your feet on the floor. Feel something solid beneath you.

• Name your own emotions silently. (“I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed.”) Naming emotions reduces the intensity.

• Remind yourself: “I don’t need all the answers. I just need to be present.”

  
  

You are not expected to have a perfect script for a moment like this. Presence matters more than perfection.

How to Start the Conversation

You don’t need to deliver a perfect speech. Think of it as opening a door. Teens especially do better with short, simple invitations that give them space to steer the conversation.

Here are a few ways to begin:

• “I know you’ve seen and heard a lot today. I’m here and I want to check in—how are you feeling right now?”

• “What’s been the hardest part of today for you?”

• “What questions do you have?”

• “You don’t have to talk about anything before you’re ready. Just know I’m here.”

  
  

Keep the tone soft, predictable, and non-pressuring. Some kids will spill everything at once. Others will shrug and walk away. That’s okay. Stay present, and let them dictate when they’re ready to talk.

Normalize Their Reactions (Even the Confusing Ones)

Kids often worry that their feelings are “weird” or “wrong.” Normalizing their experience helps reduce shame and fear.

You might say:

• “It makes sense you feel jumpy today. Your body is trying to keep you safe.”

• “Many people feel numb or disconnected after something like this. You’re not alone.”

• “It’s okay if your feelings change—hour to hour or day to day.”

  
  

Let them know there’s no “right way” to feel after a community trauma.

Limit the Overwhelm Without Hiding the Truth

Kids and teens need honesty—but they also need boundaries around endless news exposure.

Helpful approaches:

• Offer age-appropriate facts. Keep details simple and avoid sensational language.

• Avoid graphic videos or repeated news coverage. Teens may act like they can handle it—but their nervous systems tell a different story.

• Be a co-viewer. If they’re reading news or social media, sit with them. Help them make sense of what they’re seeing.

  
  

Your job isn’t to shield them from reality; it’s to walk with them through it.

Practical Tools to Help Kids Regulate After Trauma

These tools are simple, approachable, and effective for teens and younger children alike:

✔ Create predictability

Return to routines—sleep, meals, school, homework—as much as reasonably possible. Predictability helps the nervous system feel safe again.

✔ Use grounding tools - These help calm the body when emotions spike.

• Use temperature changes to ground, such as rolling an ice roller over your face or placing a bag of frozen peas on your neck

• 5-4-3-2-1 sensory grounding

• Weighted blanket

• Warm tea or bath

  
  

✔ Encourage movement

 Walk the dog, shoot hoops or jump on a bike, or stretch. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy - just gentle movement to ground the body. Go outside and feel the sun on your face

Movement helps discharge stress hormones. 

✔ Offer “micro-check-ins”

Short, consistent touchpoints feel safer than long, intense talks. “Hey, just checking in again. How are you feeling today?”

✔ Stay connected

Teens naturally want to be with other teens—it’s how they cope. Encourage time with supportive friends, mentors, and trusted adults.

Common Signs Your Child May Need Extra Support After A Traumatic Experience

Most kids will experience at least some stress reactions in the first days, weeks, and even months. But there are a few signs that more support—such as reaching out to a  therapist—could be helpful:

• Persistent nightmares or trouble sleeping

• Avoidance of school or places associated with the event

• Intense jumpiness or hypervigilance

• Emotional outbursts or sudden withdrawal

• Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches) without a medical reason

• Difficulty concentrating or a drop in school performance

• Statements like “What’s the point?” or “I don’t feel safe anywhere.”

• Turning to maladaptive external means to manage emotions - such as alcohol or marijuana

If these symptoms last more than a few weeks—or feel severe—reaching out for professional support is a loving, proactive step.

When to Seek Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy can be incredibly helpful for students affected directly or indirectly by community violence. Modalities such as ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy), EMDR, TF-CBT, or somatic-based therapies help the brain and body process traumatic memory safely.

Therapy is appropriate when:

• Your child is struggling to return to daily life

• Anxiety or fear is getting worse instead of easing

• They are avoiding school or social activities

• They express hopelessness or persistent fear

• You feel out of your depth

  
  

You do not need to wait for things to “get bad enough.” Early support protects long-term mental health recovery!

You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers

If there’s one thing I want parents to take away from this,  your calm presence and willingness to listen matter more than perfect words.

There’s no script for days like these. You can be scared, sad, overwhelmed—and still be exactly who your child needs.

Show up. Stay curious. Keep checking in. And remember that healing happens in community, one small conversation at a time.

If you or your teen needs mental health support, please reach out to Wandering Beagle Counseling. This isn't something we ever imagined happening within our small community, but we also have the strength within us for hope and healing. #EvergreenCougars